FAIR WARNING: This blog post is not for the faint of heart. I am going to be brutally honest with you so that you can be brutally honest with yourself. I want you to be able to grow as a person and find your inner light and sense of positivity. And for some of us, thats going to mean taking a cold, hard look at who you are and how you act before you can truly move forward. If youre not ready for a real self-evaluation, come back at a later date. And I do mean that. If you ARE ready, lets do this.
We all know the Golden RuleTreat others as you would like to be treated. But no matter how nice you are to people, do you still sometimes feel like theyre still walking all over you? Do you still run into rude people more often than you think you should?
I dont doubt that youre a really nice, sweet person! You probably wouldnt be reading my blog if you werent, because I dont have time for mean people. But theres a truth that goes even deeper than the Golden Rule, and it just might be more important.
You teach others how to treat you.
Do you exude confidence? Youll be more likely to attract positive people in your direction. People will want to be around you. Are you always happy? Does it take a lot to shake you or make you mad? Youll probably often hear people talk about youand theyll be saying what a nice person you are or how you always light up a room.
If I just described you, you probably dont need the rest of this blog post, although it may help you to understand other people that you deal with on a regular basis. But if you have trouble getting along with people and you cant figure out why, read on, my friend.
Be honest. Are you a drama queen or drama king? Are you constantly complaining about even the little annoyances of life? Do you reach for sarcasm often when talking to others? Do you show off injuries or illnesses in the hope that someone will ask you whats wrong?
Contrary to popular belief, when you knowingly seek sympathy or compassion, youre actually more likely to get the opposite reaction of annoyance or resentment, especially when its an everyday thing. People will sigh or roll their eyes when you start to talk.
Heres a good litmus test. If youre running late for work and you cant find your car keys, does it ruin your entire day? When you get to work and you recount the story of how you eventually found them in the refrigerator (darn kids!), is it a comedic retelling? Or is it just the tip of the iceberg as you list all the other things that have gone wrong so far todayand earlier this weekand oh my God, wait until you hear what happened to start this whole month off wrong?
The truth is that you choose your reaction to lifes occurrences. Obviously, no one expects you to be happy about absolutely everything. There will always be disappointments in life, and plenty of sad events to grieve over. But for the sake of your own emotional health and the health of those around you, do your grieving and then make an effort to move on as soon as can be expected.
You really will get out of life EXACTLY what you put into it. Like attracts like, misery loves company, and so on. Its all true. If you feel like youre constantly spinning your wheels and so many bad things just always seem to happen to you and no one else, or if theres so many people who irk you because “they just dont understand what youve been through,” its because thats the frame of mind that youre stuck in. You need to change that.
Im not implying all events are always entirely in your control. Youre not the one who put the car keys in the refrigerator. But you choose how it affects your day. You can either get mad about it and fume all day as things go downhill, or you can laugh about it, take a breath, and go about business as usual.
I know quite a few people like this. You can just feel the atmosphere in the room change when they walk in. The air suddenly feels heavier, theres a sense of negativity looming, and you feel compelled to apologize for something you didnt do as this person whines about all the horrible things in their life, and you can just feel your energy being drained.
And more often than Id like to admit, I totally used to be one of those people. I would search and whine for sympathy and friendship. I would be lonely and sad and wait for the day that someone would take pity on me and invite me to hang out with a big group of people. And it was always everyone elses fault that I didnt feel as included as I thought I should.
I cant recall an exact moment, but eventually I experienced a big wake-up call. Suddenly I knew that it was all me. It all had to do with how I was behaving and how I was reacting to everyone else. People dont want to be around energy-suckers who constantly long for attention and sympathy. And slowly, I learned how to change my thinking. It was a process, and I sometimes catch myself occasionally thinking the negative way, but Im better at correcting it quickly now and moving on.
Think about the people that you enjoy being around. Theyre probably very confident, very funny, and quite independent. You can tell they love your company but that theyd also be just fine without it. Thats because theyre choosing to see the world, other people, and their own circumstances in a positive light.
They dont search for sympathy because theyre forging their own path. Theyre not waiting for good things to happen to them and wondering why other people are so lucky and successful; theyre going out and making the good things happen themselves.
And when bad things happen, they grieve and then move on.
Dont be an energy vampire. This might take some time. Your own thinking can be difficult to change. Its habit for you to view things negatively. I want you to make a conscious effort to change that. Be aware of how you react, particularly to the little things.
Learn to evaluate the worth of certain events. Will it matter in 5 years that your keys were in the refrigerator this morning? Will it matter next week or even tomorrow? Then why on earth will you let it ruin today? Dont start looking for everything else that could possibly go wrong today.
Evaluation is going to be your key. The better you get at evaluating situations, the easier it will become to shake off the ones that dont matter in the grand scheme of things. Now obviously, if something major goes wrong, like a horrible accident or an unfortunate death, you dont need to evaluate anything. And no ones setting a time frame on how quickly you must get over it and move on.
But for the everyday downers of life, choose your reaction. I strongly encourage you to choose positivity, happiness, and confidence. Worry about you, not in a selfish way, but in a fearless and upbeat way.
Do you want people to view you as strong and confident? Be strong and confident. Do you want people to view you as happy and sweet? Be happy and positive and theyll call you sweet. Whining or guilting people into viewing you a certain way will ALWAYS backfire. Be the person you want others to see you as.
Sohow do you want people to see you? Who are you and who do you want to be?
Tell me in the comments below or come over to Facebook and share!